How to Give Compliments That Don't Suck

The Art of the Compliment: Uplifting Others As A Path to Success

We all love receiving compliments. A sincere “great job!” makes us beam with pride and motivates us to replicate that winning work. But while getting praise feels fantastic, the act of offering praise may reap even greater rewards. Discovering the art of thoughtful complimenting can profoundly enrich our work, relationships, and lives.

How often do we swallow words of encouragement back down, feeling too shy or awkward to vocalize them? We assume excellence speaks for itself, or that others already know their worth. But people crave external validation and appreciation as much as ever in our isolated times. Mindfully elevating each other through compliments plants seeds that blossom into connection, loyalty, and fulfillment.

The Power of Praise

Complimenting well is no superficial nicety. Thoughtful kudos uplift performance, forge bonds, and spread positivity contagiously. Research reveals numerous benefits, both physical and psychological:

• Improves confidence and self-esteem. We perform better when we feel seen and valued.
• Increases motivation and perseverance. External praise reinforces inner passion.
• Builds trust and rapport. Appreciation fosters meaningful relationships.
• Reduces stress and anxiety. Genuine encouragement soothes our nerves.
• Promotes outside-the-box thinking. Validation gives us leeway to take risks.
• Inspires us to pay it forward. People feel inclined to uplift others after being lifted up.

Even small, casual compliments can boost mood, energy, and focus. The simple act of noticing excellence ripples positive effects outward.

So clearly, there are sound reasons to compliment beyond just being polite. Thoughtful praise and validation, delivered with care, enrich the giver and receiver alike.

How to Compliment Skillfully

But there lies an art to uplifting others skillfully. Insincere or excessive flattery rings hollow. Generic kudos feel low effort. Informal praise in a formal setting seems off. We must learn to compliment in a way that nourishes, not strains, a relationship or situation.

What constitutes praise given artfully? Several guidelines:

• Specific about details. Avoid generic praise. Highlight unique effort.
• Sincere. Back every compliment with genuine admiration.
• Appropriate to the relationship. Don’t get overly personal with casual contacts.
• Savvy about their preferences. Some love public recognition; others prefer private kudos.
• Timely. Provide encouragement when effort is fresh, not belated.
• Infrequent with new contacts. Excessive flattery feels transactional.
• Descriptive vocabulary. Say "brilliantly executed" vs the bland "good job."
• Concise delivery. Don’t ramble effusively.

The most uplifting compliments feel authentic, personal, and timely. Find the sweet spot between cold formality and gushing praise.

Uplifting Others at Work

Work presents many opportunities to compliment skillfully. Thoughtful peer-to-peer recognition, especially when public, forges stronger teams. And managers cultivate top talent by validating employees’ efforts and achievements.

Ways to elevate colleagues at work include:

• Praising presenters for informative talks. Be specific on what resonated.
• Recognizing teams for collaborating across silos.
• Thanking individuals who go above-and-beyond expectations.
• Sharing wins and milestones achieved by reports with peers and leadership.
• Calling out creativity in solving problems. Innovation should get applause.
• Complimenting presentation delivery and public speaking skills.
• Recognizing efforts to streamline processes or improve quality.

To ensure high-performers feel valued, share sincere, detailed praise often. A little recognition goes a long way.

Responding Gracefully to Compliments

Receiving praise also merits finesse. Awkward reactions can shut down the giver or come off as insecure. Strive for these best practices when on the receiving end:

• Make eye contact and express thanks. Don’t just nod casually.
• Mirror the giver’s enthusiasm. Match their energy level.
• Don’t automatically dismiss or downplay praise. Accept it graciously.
• Share a detail about the work or achievement. Continue the dialogue.
• Offer compliments in return when it feels natural. Reciprocate positive energy.
• Consider sharing the praise with your own manager if appropriate. Validation can aid growth.
• Let the giver know their feedback motivates you to excel further next time.

The more comfortable we feel accepting compliments, the more others will feel inspired to offer them. A rising tide lifts all ships.

Praise in Personal Relationships

Of course, compliments also enrich our personal relationships outside of work. Romantic partners thrive on praise and validation. Even friendships deepen through sincere appreciation.

Ways to uplift loved ones include:

• Complimenting a partner’s appearance and style. But focus mainly on character and actions.
• Praising creative hobbies and talents. We feel most alive when expressing our gifts.
• Noticing small acts of helpfulness. Everyday efforts should be appreciated.
• Validating emotional openness and vulnerability. Reward courage.
• Complimenting tenacity in pursuing dreams. Perseverance in the face of adversity is inspiring.
• Calling out growth you witness. We can all evolve into better versions of ourselves.

With close friends and family, you have greater leeway to praise sensitive qualities like personality, values, and resilience. But do respect people’s boundaries and privacy.

The Nuances of Complimenting Across Cultures

Because perceptions of appropriate and skillful praise vary between cultures, tuning your compliments to cultural context is important. Expectations around enthusiasm, volume, timing, and intimacy of compliments can differ.

Some cross-cultural tips:

• Moderate effusiveness when praising in reserved cultures. Too much gushing may cause discomfort.
• Recognize barriers in hierarchical cultures. Complimenting up may seem inappropriate.
• Note that some group-centric cultures resist singling out praise. Embarrassment outweighs the glow.
• Adjust intimacy and self-focused language where needed. In some cultures, compliments emphasize the group over self.

When in doubt, tune praise to more formal standards until you understand cultural norms. And focus on deeds over inherent qualities to minimize discomfort.

Compliments are Contagious Kindness

Science reveals emotions like joy and generosity are viral - we unconsciously “catch” others’ positivity. Compliments, then, become an invaluable vehicle for spreading morale. The warmth in shared praise lifts both giver and receiver.

Even small compliments have the power to turn someone’s whole day around. And when we receive praise, we find ourselves complimenting others in turn, creating a contagion of encouragement.

So look for opportunities, large and small, to lift your teammates, colleagues, family, and friends through celebratory words. The rewards you reap extend far beyond the compliment itself. Morale soars. Bonds strengthen. Personal journeys intertwine. That’s the true beauty of mastering the art of the thoughtful compliment.